Seeking approval from others is a natural part of being human. We all want to feel accepted, appreciated, and validated. However, relying too much on external approval can be detrimental to your self-esteem, personal growth, and overall well-being. It can lead to a constant cycle of seeking validation, feeling dissatisfied, and doubting your own worth. Learning to trust yourself and rely less on the approval of others is an empowering journey that can help you live a more authentic and fulfilling life. Here’s how you can stop seeking approval and start trusting yourself.
- Recognize the Root of Approval-Seeking
The first step in breaking the habit of seeking approval is to understand where it comes from. Often, seeking validation is rooted in fear—fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, or fear of being judged. This fear often arises from childhood experiences, societal expectations, or past relationships.
Start by reflecting on why you seek approval. Are there particular people, situations, or circumstances that trigger this need? Understanding the root causes can help you address them and begin shifting your mindset. It’s also important to realize that external validation is temporary, and it can’t provide long-term satisfaction. True confidence comes from within.
- Identify Your Values and Align Your Actions
When you align your actions with your personal values, you create a strong foundation of self-trust. It’s easy to get caught up in the opinions of others, but knowing your core values allows you to make decisions based on what matters most to you. Whether it’s kindness, creativity, honesty, or independence, knowing your values helps you act with confidence and integrity.
Spend some time identifying what truly matters to you. Write down your values and reflect on how you can incorporate them into your daily life. When you make choices based on your values, you’ll naturally feel more aligned with yourself and less reliant on others’ approval.
- Challenge Your Inner Critic
We all have an inner critic—those negative voices that tell us we’re not good enough or that we need to be better in order to be accepted. These thoughts often fuel the need for approval from others. To stop seeking external validation, you need to challenge and reframe these thoughts.
Whenever you notice negative self-talk, question it. Is it really true? Is it a reflection of your worth, or is it simply a distorted belief? Replace critical thoughts with affirmations that focus on your strengths and accomplishments. Practise speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion, as you would to a close friend.
- Develop a Strong Sense of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is crucial to trusting yourself. The more you know about who you are, your strengths, weaknesses, and desires, the less you will need the approval of others. Start by observing your thoughts, feelings, and reactions in different situations. Journaling can be a great tool to help you process your experiences and track your emotional responses.
When you take time to reflect on your actions and motivations, you’ll gain clarity about your true desires, which will help you make decisions without seeking others’ approval. Practising mindfulness through meditation or simply spending time alone can also deepen your self-awareness and help you listen to your inner voice.
- Set Boundaries and Learn to Say No
A major reason we seek approval is because we have difficulty setting boundaries. We fear that saying no or standing up for ourselves will lead to rejection or disappointment. However, respecting your own boundaries is a form of self-respect, and it helps you trust yourself more.
Start by setting small boundaries in your daily life. This could be as simple as saying no to an invitation that doesn’t align with your needs or expressing your opinion in a conversation. The more you practise asserting your boundaries, the more you’ll realise that you don’t need to rely on others’ validation to feel valued. Saying no is an act of self-trust, and it reinforces the idea that your needs are just as important as others’.
- Embrace Imperfection and Let Go of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is often rooted in the desire for approval. We believe that if we do everything perfectly, we’ll be accepted and praised. However, this constant striving for perfection can be exhausting and counterproductive. No one is perfect, and trying to live up to unrealistic standards can create self-doubt and insecurity.
Instead of seeking perfection, embrace imperfection. Understand that mistakes are a natural part of growth, and they don’t diminish your value as a person. Celebrate your progress and the lessons you learn along the way. Allow yourself the freedom to be imperfect and to make mistakes without fearing rejection.
- Build Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you make mistakes or face setbacks. When you show yourself compassion, you stop relying on the approval of others to feel worthy. You recognise that you are inherently valuable, regardless of what others think or how you perform.
Start by being gentle with yourself during difficult moments. Instead of criticizing yourself for perceived shortcomings, offer yourself words of comfort and encouragement. Treat yourself as you would treat a loved one who is struggling, and remember that your worth is not determined by external validation.
- Surround Yourself with Supportive People
The people you surround yourself with can influence how much you rely on their approval. Seek out relationships that are based on mutual respect, trust, and acceptance, where you don’t feel the need to constantly seek validation. Being around supportive, positive people can help you build your self-esteem and trust in your own decisions.
Let go of relationships that are toxic or based on conditional approval. These relationships can reinforce the habit of seeking validation, making it harder to trust yourself. Surrounding yourself with people who accept you for who you are can encourage you to trust your own judgment and value yourself without needing others to validate you.
- Practice Gratitude for Yourself
Practising gratitude is a powerful way to build self-trust. Instead of seeking validation from others, focus on appreciating your own strengths, accomplishments, and qualities. Regularly take time to acknowledge the positive aspects of yourself and your life.
Create a gratitude journal where you write down three things you are grateful for each day—especially things that relate to your own growth, strengths, and actions. By focusing on your own achievements and progress, you will begin to internalize a sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on external approval.
Conclusion
Trusting yourself and letting go of the need for constant approval is a journey that takes time and practice. By reflecting on your values, challenging your inner critic, setting boundaries, embracing imperfection, and practising self-compassion, you can begin to build a stronger sense of self-worth. Remember that your value doesn’t depend on the opinions of others; it comes from within. As you trust yourself more, you’ll find greater peace, confidence, and authenticity in your life.
